The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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