i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
