in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm like, not good at living.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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