it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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