My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
