Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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