i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
