I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
