Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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