My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I stole a fireplace last night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
