so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
