i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
