my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Randomize
