The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
