Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
