Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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