Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
