i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
