have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
