just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
