i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
