I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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