Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
