Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
