it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
