Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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