and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
nutella sex= disaster
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Randomize
