there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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