Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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