Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
