Do you still have your period?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
