We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
