JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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