Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
