May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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