This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You made out with two different species that night
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
