she looked like the before picture.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
