Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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