just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
