your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
