M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
