dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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