he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
