I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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