I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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