sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
