who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
