theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
