just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
