You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
