if i died would you start the facebook group?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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