I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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